


Forgive and Remember

by jessaverant



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Flexibility Love and Trust, Fluffy Angst, Gen, Lapidot Reunion Theories, Lots of Crying, Steven's Empathetic Powers save the day again, angsty fluff, like a lot of crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-13 07:12:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12978813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessaverant/pseuds/jessaverant
Summary: "Listen. Slide the weight from your shoulders and move forward. You are afraid you might forget, but you never will. You will forgive and remember." - Barbara Kingsolver | Lapis returns, Peridot speaks, Steven guides.





	Forgive and Remember

At first, she is absolutely positive that she has been cracked. She _must_ have been, because the sight before her cannot possibly, in any realm of the imagination, be real. No, these are the fevered visions of a cracked Crystal Gem in her final moments before being shattered, reality swirling into tendrils of glittered dust that fade into nothing.

She _must_ be cracked, because Lapis Lazuli is kneeling in the sand before her, and well--she could only _assume_ her breaking mind would create such a vision in her final moments... although having a slightly altered appearance was new. Unless--

"Peridot!"

A voice beckoned from behind her, and Peridot realized she was sitting on the beach. She blinked once, twice, still staring at the specter of Lapis before her, until Lapis, eyes wide with a singed dress and a look of terror on her face, stood up and ran.

" _Steven!"_ she cried, and she was running _past_ Peridot, tripping in the sand, and had disappeared somewhere behind her. Peridot, still slightly in shock, lifted one hand to her forehead, touched her gem, and noticed that it was, in fact, _not_ cracked.

Reality suddenly slammed into her all at once.

"STEVEN!" Peridot cried, jumping to her feet and spinning on her heel, a shower of sand following her movements. Steven was lying in the sand a few feet from her, one hand protectively over his gem, his head lying in Amethyst's lap. His eyes were closed but he was smiling, and Connie was also there, and Lapis was stroking his head and-- wait, what happened again?

 _A fight._ There had been a fight, on the beach. A rogue corrupted Gem. A big, mean, _fire-breathing_ corrupted Gem. And Steven, he'd protected them with a shield--bigger than the temple, bigger than the beach itself, and suddenly it was had been _raining_ on them, and something came down from the atmosphere like a meteor and _slammed_ the Gem--

"STEVEN! STEVEN, ARE YOU OKAY?" Peridot all but screamed as she tripped over her own limbs and scuttled over to where Steven lay. He had a few scrapes and looked _exhausted,_ but he lifted his hand to show his undamaged gem, eyes still closed.

"I'm good," he said in a soft voice. "Just... tired."

"Hey now, no nappin' until Garnet and Pearl get here," Amethyst warned, pinching Steven's cheek. Connie was sitting in the sand beside them, eyes wide as dinner plates. She then turned to Lapis, who was kneeling in silence beside Steven, gingerly stroking his hair.

"Thank you," Connie said, allowing her hands to pool into her lap. "You saved our lives."

"Yeah, that was uh, great timing," Amethyst offered, pulling on Steven's cheek again. Peridot stood stock still, eyes strictly on Steven's face, her hands balled into fists. "I mean, if you were gonna come back to Earth, I guess this was a really good way to do it." Lapis gave a simple shrug in reply. Steven took a deep breath and cracked his eyes open, looking from Amethyst, to Connie, to Lapis, and then settling on Peridot.

"Hey, Peridot," he said, his voice laced with fatigue. "Lapis came back."

Suddenly, the group was forced into a tense silence. Connie looked from Peridot to Lapis and back again, one hand up by her chin. Peridot took a deep breath and held it, biting her lower lip. Lapis continued to say nothing but had pulled her hands back into her lap, and instead was fiddling with the lip of her skirt, her gaze now focused on Steven’s gem. Amethyst just looked down at Steven, who had a pleasant smile on his face.

Finally, Peridot spoke.

"I--uh--noticed," she said, eyes darting to the Gem in question. "Thanks."

"No problem," Steven said, closing his eyes once more. Amethyst smacked his shoulder lightly.

" _What did I say about napping?_ "

"Uh, maybe we should move to the house?" Connie suggested, although the suggestion was half-hearted. She was watching Peridot, who had her eyes trained on _Lapis,_ who was still avoiding her gaze.

"I wouldn't move him," a soft voice answered, and now _all_ eyes were on Lapis. She looked up at Amethyst. "He has hairline fractures in his gem."

"He has _WHAT?_ " Peridot screeched, and everyone turned to _her_ instead. Peridot immediately dropped to the sand beside Steven on all fours and peeled his hand away from his gem, peering at it intently. She scowled as she realized her visor was cracked and tossed it aside, narrowing her eyes, _anything_ to focus on something that wasn't Lapis's presence.

"He does!" she announced, sitting upright. "They're underneath the topmost layers. He could be cracked deeper and we wouldn't even know!"

"I can fix it," Steven supplied, holding up on hand. "Just--give me a minute."

"Okay, everyone calm down," Amethyst said, holding up both hands. "We all know that Steven is basically indestructible, and can heal and stuff, so there's no need to freak _out,_ Peri," she said, turning to Peridot. "I can't believe _I'm_ the one talking sense over here."

"I mean--" Peridot was stammering, but she was interrupted when Lapis suddenly stood.

"She's not freaking out because of Steven," she said, hands loose by her sides, still looking down at Steven with a sad smile. "It's because of me." With that, she dusted the remaining sand from her skirt, the edges still singed from where the gem beast had attempted to fight back against her surprise attack. It was then that Peridot really noticed _what_ the difference in her skirt was -- instead of a dark blue inverted triangle at the waist, she had a dark blue band instead, and the bottom of the skirt had a row of dainty, dark blue stars.

Without saying another word, Lapis turned her back on the group, facing the house instead, and started walking away. Her gem glowed briefly and her water wings sprouted from her shoulder blades, beautiful and luminescent in the midday sun.

_No._

She flapped them once, then straightened out, staring up at the sky, stopping in her tracks a few feet from them.

_Not again._

"WHATDOYOUTHINKYOU'REDOING?!" The shrill cry broke the silence and suddenly Lapis was down in the sand again. Peridot had _tackled_ her from behind, and she was now lying on top of her, two short green arms wrapped protectively around her middle. Lapis struggled briefly and started prying the two tiny hands from her waist.

"Per--"

"NO!" At that, Lapis stopped struggling, half turned on her side. Her elbow was buried deep into the ground and Peridot still had her arms clamped around her. Lapis could feel the figure on her back quivering slightly, the cool smoothness of Peridot's gem jamming into her shoulder blade.

"No," Peridot said again, softer this time. "You can't leave. Not until you--you _look_ at me."

"Peridot," Lapis said, gripping the sand into a loose fist. "I can't when you're hanging onto me like this."

"If I let go," Peridot started, "do you promise not to fly off?" Lapis closed her eyes and hung her head.

"...I promise." At that, the stern grip around her loosened, and Peridot scuttled backwards from Lapis's back. Lapis groaned and flipped herself over so she was sitting facing Peridot, her arms bent back to hold herself up, feet buried in the sand. Peridot was sitting before her, eyes wide.

For one moment, they stared in silence. It was the first time they had seen each other in close to a year. Peridot was focused on the slight changes in Lapis's appearance; her changed outfit, her slightly longer hair, how her eyes looked almost violet in the earth sun. Lapis could only focus on Peridot's wide eyes, seeing their true color for the first time. They were, to her surprise, a light periwinkle _blue._

"Your eyes are blue," Lapis blurted out. "I always thought they were green."

"You've got stars on your skirt," Peridot said back. Lapis's eyes trailed to the bright yellow star that now sat proudly in the center of Peridot's chest.

"Yeah," she said simply. Another silence.

"Oh my _gosh_ ," Connie murmured a few feet away. "This is excruciating."

"What's happening?" Steven asked, trying to turn from his prone position in the sand. Amethyst held his shoulders steady and stuck out her tongue.

"Stop _moving!_ Jeeze, what is _taking_ them so long?" Amethyst wondered. Connie looked from the Gems sitting a few feet away back to Amethyst.

"Do you mean _them?_ Or Garnet and Pearl?" she asked. Amethyst shrugged.

"Either/or."

"You came back," Peridot said, causing the other trio to fall silent. A single tear rolled down her cheek. "You came _back._ "

"Y-yeah," Lapis said, her own eyes starting to well. "I... I've been intercepting Homeworld intel beams aimed at this galaxy for months now... They're looking for Steven." She took a deep breath and let it out through her nose, relishing how _refreshing_ breathing Earth air was. "I w-wanted to come back sooner but I thought, if I did... I had to have s-something to _offer._ And I was so afraid they had beat me here when I was coming in and I saw that, that _thing--_ " Her words were cut off when a small green hand connected with the side of her face. All at once, Peridot was standing over her, straddling her legs, tears rolling freely down her face, her teeth grit together.

"Hey!" Lapis cried, putting a hand to her stinging cheek. "Per--"

"No!" Peridot said, standing up straight. "You don't get to come _back_ here and--and-- _grrrraghhhhhhh!"_ Peridot growled, putting both hands in her hair. Lapis, hand still on her cheek, frowned deeply up at Peridot.

"You don't get to come back here and act like everything is _fine!"_ Peridot yelled, tearing her hands from her hair and instead holding them at her sides. Her lower lip quivered dangerously and her entire form shook with rage. "No, no, no!"

"I'm not _trying_ to!" Lapis countered, sliding out from underneath Peridot's stance. "I'm just telling you _why_ and--"

"You think you can just _show up,_ out of _nowhere,_ with _intelligence from Homeworld,_ and casually _save all our lives and it'd be fine?"_ Peridot asked, her face blue from her frustration. She hadn't even noticed Pearl and Garnet appear behind her, cautiously avoiding the scene unfolding to get to Steven.  Peridot bit down on her lower lip violently, trying to stop the fresh tears and bitter sobs that were growing in her chest.

"D-do you have _any idea_ what it's been like here, for me, _without you?_ Do you even _care_ about w-what you _did_ to me?" At that, Peridot closed her eyes, the tears falling against her wishes, and she slumped back into the sand. Lapis watched Peridot cry silently, her own tears finally losing the battle against gravity and slipping out, unnoticed.

"You just _left_ ," Peridot continued, using her arm to wipe at her eyes. She raised her head and locked eyes with Lapis, who didn't even try to look away. "Just-- _gone._ "

"I know," Lapis responded, shoulders slumping forward in defeat. "I'm so sorry, Peridot." Peridot let out a terse breath and looked down at the sand.

"I don't forgive you," she said in a small voice. "I-I can't."

For one brief moment, Lapis wished she could shatter her gem through the force of her own will. The words _tore_ at her, piercing her through completely, and if she had a stomach, she would have vomited all the contents of it right there on the beach. Her tears stopped and she wasn't sure if she'd ever be able to cry again. The words played over and over in her mind, numbing her throughout. _I don't forgive you._ _I don't forgive you. I, Peridot, do not forgive you, Lapis Lazuli, for abandoning me._

"I... understand," Lapis said, although her voice sounded foreign to her own ears and as if someone were speaking from very far away. "I don't deserve your forgiveness."

"I..." Peridot began, still staring at the sand. She suddenly became very aware that they had an audience, and glanced over to the small group sitting just a few yards away. Steven was now sitting up, leaning against Garnet's chest, her arms over his shoulders. He was staring right at her, and they locked eyes. The other Crystal Gems were watching as well, including Connie, which somehow made it all much more _embarrassing._ But while the others looked skeptical or sad, Steven looked... determined.

 _What do I do?_ she wanted to ask. _How do I fix this?_

Steven gave her a small nod. Her eyes widened. She turned back to Lapis, who was looking down at her hands, tears still falling steadily from her cheeks.

"I... can't forgive you... yet," Peridot said, slowly and clearly. Lapis jerked her head up, still slumped over, but with a new spark in her eyes. "You can't just... come in here and expect me to trust you again." Peridot shot another glance at Steven, who gave her a small but reassuring smile. Peridot turned back to Lapis and sighed. "You have to _earn_ the trust back, Lapis."

"You don't hate me?" Lapis said in a small voice. Peridot, still kneeling in the sand, looked down at her own hands at her sides, then at the hands pooled in Lapis's lap. She lifted her hand and held it out to Lapis, who stared down at it as if it were the most interesting thing on the planet.

"No," Peridot said gently. "I could never hate you, Lapis Lazuli." Slowly, tentatively, as if she were a meteor waiting to burn into the atmosphere, Lapis placed her own larger hand into Peridot's. Peridot laced their fingers together and squeezed, eyes never trailing from Lapis's.

_I love you, Lapis._

"Okay," Lapis agreed. "I'll do whatever is necessary."

_I love you too, Peridot._

"Just as long as you don't leave the planet," Peridot added. "Ever. Again." Lapis nodded solemnly and moved her hands to Peridot's shoulders.

"I will never leave Earth again," Lapis said softly. "I promise."

"Unless we _all_ leave _together,_ " Peridot said, her eyes trailing to the side in thought. "If there's, say, another Cluster issue, or worldwide meteorological catastrophe, which frankly might be _more_ likely, or--" Peridot didn't get the chance to finish her thoughts as Lapis pulled her shoulders-first into a crushing hug, tucking Peridot's face into her shoulder.

Peridot wrapped her arms around Lapis's upper back, tears flowing fresh once more. Her hands settled right below her gem, which was pulsing slightly against her skin in a pleasing, human-like rhythm.

"I'm sorry," Lapis murmured again, this time into Peridot's hair. "I'm sorry I was so bad to you. I'm sorry I made you feel so... _worthless._ I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you when you needed me."

"You're here now," Peridot mumbled back. She hadn't realized how much she missed Lapis's simple _presence._ After a moment of silence, Peridot and Lapis untangled from each other, but their hands remained clasped between them. And for the first time in what felt like an eternity, they shared a smile.

"So... you have intel?" Peridot said, letting go of Lapis's hand to wipe at her eyes again. Lapis's eyebrows shot up as she remembered.

"Oh! Yes!" she said, and she let go of Peridot to instead slide two fingers into the top hem of her skirt. Peridot gave her a skeptical look and Lapis chuckled.

"It's on a--here we go, it's in a holo-file," she said, and she pulled a tiny disc out of a small pocket in her skirt. "If you have a working holoscreen, or warp manager dock, or anything like that, it's all in here." Lapis climbed to her feet, reaching out a hand to help Peridot up with her. "I should probably give this to Garnet, huh?"

"That would be lovely, thanks," Garnet called from where she was still sitting on the beach, Steven still wrapped protectively in her arms. Peridot gaped at them.

"You clods are still _out here?_ " she cried. "What about Steven's gem?"

"Oh, he healed that like five minutes ago," Amethyst called back. "We just wanted to make sure you didn't like, attack each other or somethin'. Hey!" Amethyst mumbled as Pearl smacked her arm.

"We made a sand castle," Steven offered, and gestured to a small building that Connie was standing beside. "And by we, I mean Pearl did most of the work." He grinned up at Garnet. "Can I take a nap now?"

"Not until we get into the house," Garnet answered. She turned to Lapis and Peridot. "Why don't you two help me with Steven and we can discuss this intel inside?" Lapis and Peridot glanced at each other, then back at Garnet. Peridot held out her hand.

"Let's go," she said, and hand in hand with Lapis, they walked back to the rest of the Crystal Gems.

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by tossing ideas/things we'd like to see from the Lapis/Peridot reunion around on the Lapidot discord. I have some ideas of what I think it should be like. This is my first time really writing Peridot and Lapis, I hope I did them well.


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